Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Eight Reflections
I guess it’s that time to look back on the past year and reflect on the things that made it 2008 for me. Every day is a new experience, a new opportunity, but for me 2008 has really been about things NEW.
1] ReNEWed spirit in my faith journey
Well, not really a new thing but each time this happens, I get excited! Each time, I am more and more amazed with how well God knows me. Each time seems to get better and better. I become more convinced that He knows where and when to meet me, how to speak to me and guide me, who I need in my life for encouragement… He knows. Last year He gently prepared me for this year and I have made it through. I am halfway through reading the Bible, I committed to working in a ministry, I gave up more control of my life in order to trust God more. I think this year has certainly been trying, but it has also been very enjoyable, and I can’t wait for more!
2] NEW chapter in an old friendship
She did it, she really did it. *sigh* My greatest friend up and abandoned me for Seattle. And I am so proud of her! It seems that the move has been good for her, and I’m beginning to think that it has been good for me as well. Not having her close at hand has been very difficult on me; I cried for many, many nights. I still tear up to think about how far she is, but today I can smile through the tears. The good part for me is that I’ve had to open my eyes to new relationships, to rely on others I probably wouldn’t have gotten to know otherwise. Frightening thing for a deeply private and guarded soul to have to open up to even one more person, but it has been a good experience to have to stretch out my arms and reach for more hearts. Which brings me to…
3] NEW friend force
I can never emphasize enough just how much I love my friends, old and new! This time, I’ve welcomed in a whole set of new friends, or rather, they’ve welcomed me in. I have a difficult time with making friendships that last more than a month, or meeting people I can call up and hang out with for no particular reason, or…whatever. More so this season of new friendships has been surprising because I am not getting to know individuals only; I am getting to know a whole group who were already friends with each other before I came around [I tend towards individual friendships rather than a group]. I think God knew I would need them and when because it certainly was not done by my initiative at all. It has been so long, I hafta readjust to hearing, “Call up so-and-so, see if they wanna do something too!” Looking forward to more good times together! [Special thanks to Monkey; you know why….]
4] NEW love, NEW heartache, NEW hope
Not much I wanna say about it here and now. I don’t regret spending one moment with him; anything more I might say about him, I’m gonna reserve for him. However, if this was merely a learning lesson, I’d say that I discovered that I am ready. I am okay with the idea of being single for my life; that is my status today and most likely will be tomorrow and that is good. Should God have made me for another, it will be good as well. I shall take the good and bad, go through the ups and downs, embrace the pain as much as I do the joy. I will no longer be afraid that I might bring joy to another.
5] NEW haircut
I’ve had haircuts before, but this was by far my best experience getting a haircut! Mahalo to Jessica at Ulupono Academy for giving me a cut I love! She not only cut it the way I would love it, but she said that it’ll still look good as it grows out. So far she has been right! This is also the first time I’ve gotten a haircut where I’ve been able to “style” it on my own and have it look great. I don’t have to do much to it at all. Usually my bangs go to the left on its own; I dunno how she got it to go to the right, so it is now causing me to correct years of tilting my head to the left. And it was all cheaper than what big name discount haircutting places charge. Mahalo Jessica and Ulupono Academy! Go get cut!
6] NEW communications
When I lived on the mainland, Apple got me to go on MySpace so we could keep in touch. Now it is Facebook! Also, I am finally getting used to the AIM window popping up, I think. Thanks to GnomeKing and others for making me get used to it. I still don’t like the idea of being on the computer so much, but at least with FB and AIM I can be social while remaining in my no-friend nature!
7] NEW passion, NEW way to journal
In August, I bought a new camara with money I’d saved up. Also, a friend loaned me his Canon so I could take photos I need for thesis. I’ve been making good use of both camaras! I’ve always liked taking pictures but with the new camara, I am more lethal! And Facebook has been useful in giving me a place to show off the photos right away and share them with friends. The photo albums have become another kind of journal of my life.
8] NEW titles and roles
Aunty Jenn. Photo-historian. Class leader. Youth worker. Role model. Blogger. People-lover. Writer of strange updates. Facebook Fantasy Football 2008 2nd place. Huggy love bear.
Hmmm…can you guess which new title is my favorite?
Mahalo for coming along with me in 2008. I cannot believe I’ve posted over 100 entries! What the heck did I say in all of those?!! I hope you’ve enjoyed them, whether the serious ones and/or the weirdly strange. Mahalo for all of the comments! Please continue with the feedback, I really enjoy them!
I look forward to making more memories in 2009!
Mahalo for reading!
1] ReNEWed spirit in my faith journey
Well, not really a new thing but each time this happens, I get excited! Each time, I am more and more amazed with how well God knows me. Each time seems to get better and better. I become more convinced that He knows where and when to meet me, how to speak to me and guide me, who I need in my life for encouragement… He knows. Last year He gently prepared me for this year and I have made it through. I am halfway through reading the Bible, I committed to working in a ministry, I gave up more control of my life in order to trust God more. I think this year has certainly been trying, but it has also been very enjoyable, and I can’t wait for more!
2] NEW chapter in an old friendship
She did it, she really did it. *sigh* My greatest friend up and abandoned me for Seattle. And I am so proud of her! It seems that the move has been good for her, and I’m beginning to think that it has been good for me as well. Not having her close at hand has been very difficult on me; I cried for many, many nights. I still tear up to think about how far she is, but today I can smile through the tears. The good part for me is that I’ve had to open my eyes to new relationships, to rely on others I probably wouldn’t have gotten to know otherwise. Frightening thing for a deeply private and guarded soul to have to open up to even one more person, but it has been a good experience to have to stretch out my arms and reach for more hearts. Which brings me to…
3] NEW friend force
I can never emphasize enough just how much I love my friends, old and new! This time, I’ve welcomed in a whole set of new friends, or rather, they’ve welcomed me in. I have a difficult time with making friendships that last more than a month, or meeting people I can call up and hang out with for no particular reason, or…whatever. More so this season of new friendships has been surprising because I am not getting to know individuals only; I am getting to know a whole group who were already friends with each other before I came around [I tend towards individual friendships rather than a group]. I think God knew I would need them and when because it certainly was not done by my initiative at all. It has been so long, I hafta readjust to hearing, “Call up so-and-so, see if they wanna do something too!” Looking forward to more good times together! [Special thanks to Monkey; you know why….]
4] NEW love, NEW heartache, NEW hope
Not much I wanna say about it here and now. I don’t regret spending one moment with him; anything more I might say about him, I’m gonna reserve for him. However, if this was merely a learning lesson, I’d say that I discovered that I am ready. I am okay with the idea of being single for my life; that is my status today and most likely will be tomorrow and that is good. Should God have made me for another, it will be good as well. I shall take the good and bad, go through the ups and downs, embrace the pain as much as I do the joy. I will no longer be afraid that I might bring joy to another.
5] NEW haircut
I’ve had haircuts before, but this was by far my best experience getting a haircut! Mahalo to Jessica at Ulupono Academy for giving me a cut I love! She not only cut it the way I would love it, but she said that it’ll still look good as it grows out. So far she has been right! This is also the first time I’ve gotten a haircut where I’ve been able to “style” it on my own and have it look great. I don’t have to do much to it at all. Usually my bangs go to the left on its own; I dunno how she got it to go to the right, so it is now causing me to correct years of tilting my head to the left. And it was all cheaper than what big name discount haircutting places charge. Mahalo Jessica and Ulupono Academy! Go get cut!
6] NEW communications
When I lived on the mainland, Apple got me to go on MySpace so we could keep in touch. Now it is Facebook! Also, I am finally getting used to the AIM window popping up, I think. Thanks to GnomeKing and others for making me get used to it. I still don’t like the idea of being on the computer so much, but at least with FB and AIM I can be social while remaining in my no-friend nature!
7] NEW passion, NEW way to journal
In August, I bought a new camara with money I’d saved up. Also, a friend loaned me his Canon so I could take photos I need for thesis. I’ve been making good use of both camaras! I’ve always liked taking pictures but with the new camara, I am more lethal! And Facebook has been useful in giving me a place to show off the photos right away and share them with friends. The photo albums have become another kind of journal of my life.
8] NEW titles and roles
Aunty Jenn. Photo-historian. Class leader. Youth worker. Role model. Blogger. People-lover. Writer of strange updates. Facebook Fantasy Football 2008 2nd place. Huggy love bear.
Hmmm…can you guess which new title is my favorite?
Mahalo for coming along with me in 2008. I cannot believe I’ve posted over 100 entries! What the heck did I say in all of those?!! I hope you’ve enjoyed them, whether the serious ones and/or the weirdly strange. Mahalo for all of the comments! Please continue with the feedback, I really enjoy them!
I look forward to making more memories in 2009!
Mahalo for reading!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Caught Off-guard
I have a system.
It began as an idea for when the youth director was out sick. I thought I would use my enjoyment in photo-documentation to show Director what went on while he was away. When he came back, I just didn’t stop taking photos. It has been fun to look back at all that has happened.
The system is to take photos during the big group time and then “attendance shots” in the smaller groups. I visit the 7th/8th grade class first, the 9th/10th next and the 11th/12th/Else [Team Epic] last. This way, I get to devote the rest of my attention to Team Epic, of which I am a member/co-leader.
On a recent Sunday, when I went to the 9/10 class I was…not very politely asked by a leader to leave and come back later. So…I walked out. I finished my rounds with Team Epic and stayed there. I did not go back to the 9/10.
After some time to reflect, I should have taken the photo of the 9/10.
I don’t mean that I should have bent to the will of the other leader and gone back to take the photo. At that very moment of being asked to leave, I should have explained that I would not come back to take the photo.
Perhaps the leader wanted to prepare and have a photo of their Christmas party, or whatever they were about to set up? Who knows? The photos are not meant to be “picture perfect,” everyone posing nicely and smiling at the camara. I pop in, the class carries on as usual, I snap a shot of them doing what they do, and some students uselessly try to avoid having their face in the shot. Intentionally, the results are candid shots.
I should have said that it was then or not at all for the 9/10 shot as I have my own class to attend to.
___________________________
The photos are not for me. They are not for the leaders. The photos are what I can give to all those involved in the youth department [and are on Facebook, apparently, for now]. I do this voluntarily.
However, not taking the photo was wrong as it disregards the students in that class who showed up. To the students in the 9/10 class, I apologize.
Accepting my role as a leader now, I think I shall use this experience to remind myself that what I do with the youth department is all for God and the youth and not for my own fulfillment or public image. I do not have to be perfect, to do everything right as a leader. Whatever I may plan for the youth does not have to go smoothly.
I have to follow God’s calling. I have to show up. I have to give what I can to/for the students.
Mahalo for reading.
Some of the candids:
big group
7/8
9/10
Team Epic!
It began as an idea for when the youth director was out sick. I thought I would use my enjoyment in photo-documentation to show Director what went on while he was away. When he came back, I just didn’t stop taking photos. It has been fun to look back at all that has happened.
The system is to take photos during the big group time and then “attendance shots” in the smaller groups. I visit the 7th/8th grade class first, the 9th/10th next and the 11th/12th/Else [Team Epic] last. This way, I get to devote the rest of my attention to Team Epic, of which I am a member/co-leader.
On a recent Sunday, when I went to the 9/10 class I was…not very politely asked by a leader to leave and come back later. So…I walked out. I finished my rounds with Team Epic and stayed there. I did not go back to the 9/10.
After some time to reflect, I should have taken the photo of the 9/10.
I don’t mean that I should have bent to the will of the other leader and gone back to take the photo. At that very moment of being asked to leave, I should have explained that I would not come back to take the photo.
Perhaps the leader wanted to prepare and have a photo of their Christmas party, or whatever they were about to set up? Who knows? The photos are not meant to be “picture perfect,” everyone posing nicely and smiling at the camara. I pop in, the class carries on as usual, I snap a shot of them doing what they do, and some students uselessly try to avoid having their face in the shot. Intentionally, the results are candid shots.
I should have said that it was then or not at all for the 9/10 shot as I have my own class to attend to.
___________________________
The photos are not for me. They are not for the leaders. The photos are what I can give to all those involved in the youth department [and are on Facebook, apparently, for now]. I do this voluntarily.
However, not taking the photo was wrong as it disregards the students in that class who showed up. To the students in the 9/10 class, I apologize.
Accepting my role as a leader now, I think I shall use this experience to remind myself that what I do with the youth department is all for God and the youth and not for my own fulfillment or public image. I do not have to be perfect, to do everything right as a leader. Whatever I may plan for the youth does not have to go smoothly.
I have to follow God’s calling. I have to show up. I have to give what I can to/for the students.
Mahalo for reading.
Some of the candids:
big group
7/8
9/10
Team Epic!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
My Soul Feels Its Worth
My favorite song of all songs is “O Holy Night!” I listen to it all year round; maybe one of these days I'll be able to sing and do it justice!
In the hymnal, it is hymn #148 with words accredited to John S. Dwight and music by Adolphe Adam. Here are the words as they are in the hymnal:
O holy night!
The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth;
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;
Fall on your knees, Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!
Led by the light
Of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand;
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend;
He knows our need, To our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend!
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace;
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name;
Christ is the Lord, Oh, praise His name forever!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim.
Below is a link to Placido Domingo singing the beautiful hymn during a concert practice [Mahalo to the GnomeKing for showing me the link to the video]. Listen as he fills the church with a powerful voice, I love it!
Holy Night-Placido Domingo
Merry Christmas EVERYONE!
Mahalo for reading!
In the hymnal, it is hymn #148 with words accredited to John S. Dwight and music by Adolphe Adam. Here are the words as they are in the hymnal:
O holy night!
The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth;
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;
Fall on your knees, Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!
Led by the light
Of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand;
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend;
He knows our need, To our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, before Him lowly bend!
Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace;
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name;
Christ is the Lord, Oh, praise His name forever!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim.
Below is a link to Placido Domingo singing the beautiful hymn during a concert practice [Mahalo to the GnomeKing for showing me the link to the video]. Listen as he fills the church with a powerful voice, I love it!
Holy Night-Placido Domingo
Merry Christmas EVERYONE!
Mahalo for reading!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
You Can Always Come Home
I was probably about 8th or 9th grade. Dad and I were talking about something; I don’t remember about what exactly but we have that kind of relationship where we can pretty much talk about anything.Dad said to me, “You can always come home. No matter what you do, I want you to come home.”
I hadn’t thought about that in years.
___________________________
It was a point in the Bible lesson this week as our guide took us through the book of Ezra, pointing out the various things within it. I always feel like I’m gonna butcher the message as our guide lays it out for us wonderfully but within Ezra is a story of how the people had come to a time when they did not know that they were sinning. Their sin is made known to them; they repent and go through the difficult process to make themselves clean before God.
In their repentance, we read in Ezra 10:2 Shecaniah saying, “But in spite of [their sin], there is still hope for Israel.”
One of the things that I heard in the lesson was that no matter what I do, God wants me to come home to Him. I need to be reminded of this from time to time. I can be so sensitive to the wrongs I’ve done, so consumed with guilt that I miss hearing God say, “You can always come home. I already know about it and I want you to come home.”
God offers the same to you; He wants you home.
___________________________
Back to the personal, my dad might never know how much those words meant to me. To a child whom is sensitive to guilt so much so that she has punished herself at times, knowing that I always have a home is a relief.
Most of my friends did not get along with their parents or they just didn’t want to go home though they could. I’ve had friends drop in during the middle of the night and stay over. A few times, friends would come and we just hung out until they were ready to go home.
Just recently I listened to a friend tell me about a period of his life when he did not go home; I am so grateful for my home and the relationship I have with my parents. Given different parents, there’s a good chance I would be…who knows where really.
I have no children [yet…?] to pass the offer to, so I wanna talk to my friends out there. On a slightly different note, no matter our past, no matter where our relationship is currently, whatever may come in our future, let’s “come home” to each other. Let’s work things out; I know I will be hoping for this. As Apple reminds me, “Friendships that are tested are the ones that become stronger”; the friendship Apple and I share is VERY strong! :D I want stronger friendships!
I'm trying to be careful with how I say this next part. To those I know personally: if you need a safe place, there’s not much room in the house but there’s room; there are certain rules in place, especially for male guests. Or we can just hang out until you've had enough time. Others have done similar for me in the past. I am blessed with what I have.
Mahalo for reading!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
You Can Keep Your Two Cents
It’s no secret that Mom and I get on each others’ nerves. That’s not the big story here.
Mom went to church every day this past week to help Aunty with work. I caught a ride in with her on Monday. Mom, Aunty and I sat down to lunch and talk story.
I told Aunty about one of my rebellious acts and oh, my poor mother, what I put her through! Mom and I can laugh about it now. Okay…I’m the one laughing while Mom shakes her head!
A church lady MK was at the copier and overheard. She decided to enter the conversation by talking about things remotely unrelated and then about somewhat sort of related parents living with adult children. Disinterested, I quietly waited for her to finish.
Mom and Aunty go back to work, I stay back to do dishes. MK asks me if my family and I have signed a contract. *puzzled look.* For what?
“A family contract.”
“No.”
I think she said something about how a contract would smooth tension in the home, I don’t know. After some good conversation with Mom and Aunty, listening to MK put me back in Cranky Mode.
Anyways, MK didn’t pick up the humor when I explained that my brother is the good son and I’m the bad seed. She said in response, “You don’t have to believe that about yourself.”
“What?”
“That you’re a bad seed. You don’t have to believe that.”
Tightlipped, I said, “Um, okay, bye.” And walked out.
___________________________
Apparently I have a negative self-image! *She laughs a most evil laugh*
Near the end there, I was starting to feel like I was in “Good Will Hunting.”
Sean: It’s not your fault.
Will: I know.
Sean: It’s not your fault.
Will: I know.
[Repeated until Will breaks down and sobs]
Funny!
___________________________
[I'm smiling for a photo; probably means I just did something bad!]
My self-image: good!
Mom and I: love!
My response to unsolicited and unnecessary advice: don’t.
Mahalo for reading!
Mom went to church every day this past week to help Aunty with work. I caught a ride in with her on Monday. Mom, Aunty and I sat down to lunch and talk story.
I told Aunty about one of my rebellious acts and oh, my poor mother, what I put her through! Mom and I can laugh about it now. Okay…I’m the one laughing while Mom shakes her head!
A church lady MK was at the copier and overheard. She decided to enter the conversation by talking about things remotely unrelated and then about somewhat sort of related parents living with adult children. Disinterested, I quietly waited for her to finish.
Mom and Aunty go back to work, I stay back to do dishes. MK asks me if my family and I have signed a contract. *puzzled look.* For what?
“A family contract.”
“No.”
I think she said something about how a contract would smooth tension in the home, I don’t know. After some good conversation with Mom and Aunty, listening to MK put me back in Cranky Mode.
Anyways, MK didn’t pick up the humor when I explained that my brother is the good son and I’m the bad seed. She said in response, “You don’t have to believe that about yourself.”
“What?”
“That you’re a bad seed. You don’t have to believe that.”
Tightlipped, I said, “Um, okay, bye.” And walked out.
___________________________
Apparently I have a negative self-image! *She laughs a most evil laugh*
Near the end there, I was starting to feel like I was in “Good Will Hunting.”
Sean: It’s not your fault.
Will: I know.
Sean: It’s not your fault.
Will: I know.
[Repeated until Will breaks down and sobs]
Funny!
___________________________
[I'm smiling for a photo; probably means I just did something bad!]My self-image: good!
Mom and I: love!
My response to unsolicited and unnecessary advice: don’t.
Mahalo for reading!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Streaker
No, not that kind!
Look at those stats! This is after week 13, going into the playoffs for Fantasy Football. If you need a reminder, I am Hilo. I wouldn’t be writing so much about FFB except that me having a long win streak blows my mind. I mean, sure, there’s only 6 teams and 2 of the owners haven’t changed their lineups since week 1, but still. This is crazy to me.
Week before last, someone finally took the point lead from me. Houston was up by 3. I obviously took it back.
Now we’re into the playoffs. It says I have a bye this week but the points my team accumulates will still come into play. Otherwise, it’s a “one loss and you’re out” format. After this week’s bye, I hafta win the last two matches to win the league.
Let’s go Hilo!
Mahalo for reading!
Look at those stats! This is after week 13, going into the playoffs for Fantasy Football. If you need a reminder, I am Hilo. I wouldn’t be writing so much about FFB except that me having a long win streak blows my mind. I mean, sure, there’s only 6 teams and 2 of the owners haven’t changed their lineups since week 1, but still. This is crazy to me.
Week before last, someone finally took the point lead from me. Houston was up by 3. I obviously took it back.
Now we’re into the playoffs. It says I have a bye this week but the points my team accumulates will still come into play. Otherwise, it’s a “one loss and you’re out” format. After this week’s bye, I hafta win the last two matches to win the league.
Let’s go Hilo!
Mahalo for reading!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Work and PLAY
A little while ago, I started to consider leaving the Bible study group which had adopted me in and joining another small group. The consideration is not a reflection on the BS group but of personal circumstances and a constant desire to follow where God is leading me. For the moment I am staying with the current BS group, with my friends. On Black Friday, a few of us said, “BAH!” to shopping and went hunting for public school photos along the north side of the island. Earlier in the week, Big Heart had offered to take me to get pics for Big D. Then some genius [me] invited Monkey along… but it turned out to be good fun!
And…it was a productive day. We headed out from my house about 11:30, went north, some crazy traffic around Sunset because of the surf contest. After Sunset, the road was pretty clear. We hit 8 campuses [9 schools, Kahuku Inter and High are on one campus], starting from Sunset all the way to King, started home from Kaneohe side around 3:30. Saw some pretty cool things. It was work for me, but at the same time relaxing having friends along who didn’t mind that I was working.___________________________
Sunday was a birthday party for GM. GM likes games; he created a new one called “Military Mayhem” and debuted it at his party. We were in two teams, played two games. Game one was Pastor, Monkey, Tad and Target against Mouth, Kyle, Jared and me. I got picked on by boys from the other side, namely Target. Then I picked up Target Jr. who promptly spat up on me, but he’s still my favorite nephew.
Game two was Monkey and CBCU against Kyle, BH and David. That was a crazy funny game. I’m just gonna say storm troopers, bunkers, airstrikes, snipers, uncertain terrain and MACE WINDU! The end times came down to Monkey and CBCU having BH surrounded; all fate rested on the GM’s roll of the di. BH got first attack and destroyed their base! It was great!Others played games on the Wii, video games, we had great food thanks to Lisa who wasn’t able to come.
Some of us played mahjong, it was already getting late and we were tired. Punahou had trouble with number sequences and building walls. Moanalua had trouble getting great hands but still won a few. We all had trouble remembering how rotation goes to get the game going. ___________________________
Early this year, I was asked by Mr. K to consider helping the youth dept. at church and I eventually decided to do so. Now I am being asked to spend more time with the kids, which has already been on my heart and mind all along. Monday night volleyball has now been opened up to being one of those times to show up for the kids who come out and the others in fellowship. 
BH picked me up and we went to volleyball. Those guys and gals are good players. I haven’t played in about a decade and so I had it in mind not to play that night; it was a good decision. It was fun just watching.I got to talk a little with Mary [FCF] and a little with Junior and Joseph [KUC youth]. I spent most of the night talking things over with Mr. K. I don’t know if Monday VB is the right venue for me to build relationships, we’ll see.
A few of us went out to eat afterwards, talked story. Friends, food, fun.
___________________________
This past Tuesday, the BS was left to our own defenses. Monkey and Krystle got a few of us together for dinner and a movie. Eight of us showed up for dinner. Somehow we had 4 on one side eating salads and the other 4 having meat. Krystle missed Zac inhaling his food ‘cuz she was on the phone with Rachel coordinating for the Naughty or Nice party coming up. BH worked another piece of art for The Chang who was not in attendance. 
I hardly ever see movies in the theatre and the first time going with this group. We had a good time! I heard someone in the group say, “that girl was okay. I could do a better job of kissing that guy.” We hung around a little afterwards, talking story. There is now a plan to send glitter and lipstick over to a certain someone overseas… it would be too much to explain here what that’s about! ___________________________
So from Friday to Tuesday night, such good fun mixed in with work [for me]. I don’t know when I have laughed so much over several days!
And I wanna say, I have a tendency to isolate myself, to push people away even, when I’m having a rough time; I’m having one currently. I am overwhelmingly appreciative of good friends who check up on me anyway, who care no matter how much of a jerk I might be when I’m upset or how much I might take them for granted [without realizing it].
Mahalo for being a good friend and reading in!
[Yeah, the photos are out of order and whatever, you figure out which is what!]
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
[Jr.] High School Drama 2
I am feeling quite inadequate working with these young girls at church. I am being confided in, when opportunities arise, regarding the teenage years for girls. The issues being brought up are things like gossip, teasing, positioning battles, isolation, being caught in the middle of things.
I spent my teen years staying out of such things as much as possible. When situations involved me, I still kept out of it. If someone didn’t like me, let them not like me. If someone talked about me behind my back, what could I do about it if they didn’t want to confront me face to face?
However, keeping out of it didn’t mean that I was never hurt by some of the negative things.
I’ve been asked if it gets any better. I don’t know what to say. I am no good at sugarcoating. I don’t know if things will get better.
I’ve been asked about my friendships when I was that age. I can’t say that there’s much hope in those stories either. I didn’t find good, genuine friends that stuck around until I was in my 20s; another several years after that before I relaxed and trusted them. Everything for me is a long process that needs a lot of time. What good is that to a 12-/13-yr old who is lonely and vulnerable right now?
And these girls are not me. I sense that the silent independent generally unaffected [read: lonely] type approach I used isn’t what’s gonna work for these girls who are having difficulties. My sensitivities are different from theirs.
I found myself being able to say only that…I understand. Can that be enough?
___________________________
What do I do when the girls are perpetuating the negative practices? It seems that they need more than a model of good behavior, and I am an imperfect model at that. I don’t know what they need as I tend to self-monitor those things. Another thing that doesn’t help is that they’re not going to do such things when I am around.
___________________________
I still think God has me at the church for a reason and that the reason has to do with these young ladies. Since God provides us with all we need to carry out His work, is this one of those situations that I’ll hafta get comfortable with the idea of stumbling along and learning on the way? Because I definitely have no idea what I’m doing here. The teenage years can be rough on all; I pray that I do not hinder this time for them.
Please pray for these young women.
Mahalo for reading.
I spent my teen years staying out of such things as much as possible. When situations involved me, I still kept out of it. If someone didn’t like me, let them not like me. If someone talked about me behind my back, what could I do about it if they didn’t want to confront me face to face?
However, keeping out of it didn’t mean that I was never hurt by some of the negative things.
I’ve been asked if it gets any better. I don’t know what to say. I am no good at sugarcoating. I don’t know if things will get better.
I’ve been asked about my friendships when I was that age. I can’t say that there’s much hope in those stories either. I didn’t find good, genuine friends that stuck around until I was in my 20s; another several years after that before I relaxed and trusted them. Everything for me is a long process that needs a lot of time. What good is that to a 12-/13-yr old who is lonely and vulnerable right now?
And these girls are not me. I sense that the silent independent generally unaffected [read: lonely] type approach I used isn’t what’s gonna work for these girls who are having difficulties. My sensitivities are different from theirs.
I found myself being able to say only that…I understand. Can that be enough?
___________________________
What do I do when the girls are perpetuating the negative practices? It seems that they need more than a model of good behavior, and I am an imperfect model at that. I don’t know what they need as I tend to self-monitor those things. Another thing that doesn’t help is that they’re not going to do such things when I am around.
___________________________
I still think God has me at the church for a reason and that the reason has to do with these young ladies. Since God provides us with all we need to carry out His work, is this one of those situations that I’ll hafta get comfortable with the idea of stumbling along and learning on the way? Because I definitely have no idea what I’m doing here. The teenage years can be rough on all; I pray that I do not hinder this time for them.
Please pray for these young women.
Mahalo for reading.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Spending Time with the Good Book
I’ve fallen behind on my Bible reading. At one point I was ahead of my plan, but well…. I’m gonna look at the positive: I’m reading. I’ve gotten much farther and understood much more than any other previous try I’ve made to read through the Bible. I have a greater desire to understand the lessons God has placed throughout the book and so maybe I’ve taken breaks from reading here and there, but there’s no stopping.
And maybe it’s not a one-year reading plan anymore. It’s okay, I’m fine with that. I am currently into the Book of Isaiah [NIV], which is about halfway. I’m doing well. So I suppose it is now a 2-year reading plan. That actually might be better because I am slow!
Or God’s just telling me to take it slow, spend as much time on His word as I need, He will walk me through it.
___________________________
I’ve found a couple of things useful for gaining a better understanding of the Bible. One of them is listening to podcasts. The three main podcasts that have helped my understanding [and the ones I try to keep up with] are Renewing Your Mind [R.C. Sproul], Truth for Life [Alistair Begg] and Insight for Living [Chuck Swindoll]. These work for me but maybe a different podcast would work for you, that’s okay. Or one could continue under the guidance of the sermons of one’s pastor, but I find it helps to hear different perspectives on things.
Another thing that helps me understand better is a good Bible study group. In the past I have struggled with finding one that helps me really dig in. The emphasis had been on getting together and socializing. Building relationships with one another is important but for me, if one is going to call it “Bible study,” the Bible should be opened at some point. With the groups I’ve observed in the past, it was okay with them if time ran out and they didn’t get to the lesson at all. That was frustrating to me as I wanted to learn more about God’s Word.
I did finally find a study group with Crusty, a good friend, and Rowena, our discipler. We had a good balance between studying and socializing. We had the desire to know God more. I think we were together for a few months before Rowena and her family moved away, about 9 0r 10 years ago I think.
During those 9 or 10 years of being without a study group, I believe God was preparing my heart and mind…for NOW. God brought me back closer to Him and in a church again where He placed me in contact with getting to know a group of young people. Eventually I felt comfortable enough and ready to join in their BS. They have that good balance of studying and socializing with that desire to know God more. An added incentive with joining this particular group is that they are under the care of a friend of mine who has a graduate degree in Divinity. I know that I will learn something when I go to their study group.
The podcasts and the study group do not coincide with where I am in reading the Bible and that is okay. I’ve remembered certain lessons or insights from podcasts and recognized them when I got to that passage. The study group is structured to alternate between going through the Bible book by book and topical studies. I am ahead of where they are in the Bible and so it is a good review for remembering what I’ve already read, or for going back and thinking “Ah! So that’s the lesson there!” or for having a question I had answered.
___________________________
The podcasts and study group are what helps me understand the Bible. I am also reading a daily devotional [although I am imperfect with the ‘daily’ part] by the Blackabys called “Experiencing God Day-By-Day.” The devotional is also helping me on my journey.
I’d like to hear about your Bible reading journey, the things that have helped you along the way in understanding or encouragement, or anything else you would like to share! Please leave a comment, or email me if you have the address, and as a reminder comments may be left anonymously.
Mahalo for reading!
Links:
Truth for Life
Insight for Living
Renewing Your Mind
[or find them all on]:
OnePlace.com
And maybe it’s not a one-year reading plan anymore. It’s okay, I’m fine with that. I am currently into the Book of Isaiah [NIV], which is about halfway. I’m doing well. So I suppose it is now a 2-year reading plan. That actually might be better because I am slow!
Or God’s just telling me to take it slow, spend as much time on His word as I need, He will walk me through it.
___________________________
I’ve found a couple of things useful for gaining a better understanding of the Bible. One of them is listening to podcasts. The three main podcasts that have helped my understanding [and the ones I try to keep up with] are Renewing Your Mind [R.C. Sproul], Truth for Life [Alistair Begg] and Insight for Living [Chuck Swindoll]. These work for me but maybe a different podcast would work for you, that’s okay. Or one could continue under the guidance of the sermons of one’s pastor, but I find it helps to hear different perspectives on things.
Another thing that helps me understand better is a good Bible study group. In the past I have struggled with finding one that helps me really dig in. The emphasis had been on getting together and socializing. Building relationships with one another is important but for me, if one is going to call it “Bible study,” the Bible should be opened at some point. With the groups I’ve observed in the past, it was okay with them if time ran out and they didn’t get to the lesson at all. That was frustrating to me as I wanted to learn more about God’s Word.
I did finally find a study group with Crusty, a good friend, and Rowena, our discipler. We had a good balance between studying and socializing. We had the desire to know God more. I think we were together for a few months before Rowena and her family moved away, about 9 0r 10 years ago I think.
During those 9 or 10 years of being without a study group, I believe God was preparing my heart and mind…for NOW. God brought me back closer to Him and in a church again where He placed me in contact with getting to know a group of young people. Eventually I felt comfortable enough and ready to join in their BS. They have that good balance of studying and socializing with that desire to know God more. An added incentive with joining this particular group is that they are under the care of a friend of mine who has a graduate degree in Divinity. I know that I will learn something when I go to their study group.
The podcasts and the study group do not coincide with where I am in reading the Bible and that is okay. I’ve remembered certain lessons or insights from podcasts and recognized them when I got to that passage. The study group is structured to alternate between going through the Bible book by book and topical studies. I am ahead of where they are in the Bible and so it is a good review for remembering what I’ve already read, or for going back and thinking “Ah! So that’s the lesson there!” or for having a question I had answered.
___________________________
The podcasts and study group are what helps me understand the Bible. I am also reading a daily devotional [although I am imperfect with the ‘daily’ part] by the Blackabys called “Experiencing God Day-By-Day.” The devotional is also helping me on my journey.
I’d like to hear about your Bible reading journey, the things that have helped you along the way in understanding or encouragement, or anything else you would like to share! Please leave a comment, or email me if you have the address, and as a reminder comments may be left anonymously.
Mahalo for reading!
Links:
Truth for Life
Insight for Living
Renewing Your Mind
[or find them all on]:
OnePlace.com
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Update It
Great Live Music
Last night, I went to a concert given at KUC featuring Micah Teruya. I was tired, but I decided that spending a night with great music would be good for me. I was right.
I plan to write more about Micah and his music in another entry, but being that I do not post entries on Sunday, and I’ve been setting up this update entry, I thought I would get some time-sensitive info out to my readers.
See the posted flier for more info on where Micah will be playing this week. Try to catch one of the shows if possible or check out the websites listed to hear the songs! Also, his CD is available online through his website.
Dominating a Fantasy
Alright folks! We are in the 12th week of Fantasy Football! I am working on a 9-win streak! That is crazy!
I won last week’s match up by TWO points. It was so close. If my opponent’s last player had made the touchdown, I would have lost. Goodbye win streak. Start over. But he didn’t and I won. :D
And so I have remained in the top position of the league for a few weeks. That feels great, but then the pressure is on. I can see the finish line. 5 weeks to go until playoffs. Can I do it? Can I win the league? I think I can.
What would it mean? Absolutely nothing. lol
What Kinda Fan Are You?!!
So I’ve been completely not paying attention to my teams. I have no idea who the QB is for the Warriors. I have watched one Wahine VB game on TV this season and I think it’s time for regionals already? I have no idea.
I’ve followed with what’s going on with the Cowboys and the Colts [NFL], but not as closely as I did last year. Last year, I stayed home on Sundays and watched games with Dad. This year, I’m in church, trying to [at the least] be a good role model for younger people and having no idea what I’m doing there either. But I’m there.
Well, I fail as a fan. Hopefully that means I am succeeding elsewhere.
___________________________
I think that’s enough update for today. Wow, 4 entries in 1 week; I've spoiled you guys this week!
Go catch a Micah Teruya showing.
Mahalo for reading this entry!
Last night, I went to a concert given at KUC featuring Micah Teruya. I was tired, but I decided that spending a night with great music would be good for me. I was right.
I plan to write more about Micah and his music in another entry, but being that I do not post entries on Sunday, and I’ve been setting up this update entry, I thought I would get some time-sensitive info out to my readers.
See the posted flier for more info on where Micah will be playing this week. Try to catch one of the shows if possible or check out the websites listed to hear the songs! Also, his CD is available online through his website.
Dominating a Fantasy
Alright folks! We are in the 12th week of Fantasy Football! I am working on a 9-win streak! That is crazy!
I won last week’s match up by TWO points. It was so close. If my opponent’s last player had made the touchdown, I would have lost. Goodbye win streak. Start over. But he didn’t and I won. :D
And so I have remained in the top position of the league for a few weeks. That feels great, but then the pressure is on. I can see the finish line. 5 weeks to go until playoffs. Can I do it? Can I win the league? I think I can.What would it mean? Absolutely nothing. lol
What Kinda Fan Are You?!!
So I’ve been completely not paying attention to my teams. I have no idea who the QB is for the Warriors. I have watched one Wahine VB game on TV this season and I think it’s time for regionals already? I have no idea.
I’ve followed with what’s going on with the Cowboys and the Colts [NFL], but not as closely as I did last year. Last year, I stayed home on Sundays and watched games with Dad. This year, I’m in church, trying to [at the least] be a good role model for younger people and having no idea what I’m doing there either. But I’m there.
Well, I fail as a fan. Hopefully that means I am succeeding elsewhere.
___________________________
I think that’s enough update for today. Wow, 4 entries in 1 week; I've spoiled you guys this week!
Go catch a Micah Teruya showing.
Mahalo for reading this entry!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Long As God Can Grow It!
Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair!
Shoulder length, longer
Here baby, there mama, Everywhere daddy daddy
Hair!
Flow it, Show it;
Long as God can grow it, My Hair!
They'll be ga-ga at the go-go
when they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond, brilliantined, Biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
That’s some of the lyrics to “Hair,” a musical about the 60s.
Anyways, my hair has been the longest it has ever been in my life! The length was at least to the middle of my back. It took about a year, with a few trims in between, to grow that long. I hope I did an okay job taking care of it. I was starting to feel like I could start doing that toga line from the song soon!
And now it’s gone.
Sort of. I was growing it out for a purpose and now Phase I of my little project has been completed!
___________________________
[I've used this pic before but you can kinda see how long my hair was getting. I know, I shoulda gotten a pic from the back.]
The long hair was getting ridiculous! I generally keep my hair about shoulder length. When I worked at F21, I cut my hair short and my co-workers remarked at how brave I was. Another time, Apple and I were sitting at the mall when a lady came up to us and offered us free haircuts. That was cool; she was a student but with prior experience at the salon down the hallway. She needed to practice those really short short cuts, so I went short short. It felt strange at first, but it looked good!
And I’ve watched a few makeover shows where they want the lady to cut her hair and the lady goes into fits and crying ‘cuz she doesn’t want it cut! Ridiculous, hair grows back.
This past season of LONG hair started to annoy me. The hair was getting stuck under the straps when I carried a shoulder bag; I wasn’t comfortable lying down on the pillow and when I would try to rollover, I couldn’t ‘cuz I was on my hair; I’ve never used so much shampoo, conditioner, styling products [what are those?]! I liked HAVING the long hair, but not really having to spend so much time on it!
I was gonna go to a professional salon to do this recent cutting. I figured I would treat myself a little for having taken care of the hair and not having had a good haircut in awhile. Apple had tried this salon place and was very happy with the experience. It’s a partner school where a student cuts the hair under the supervision of an instructor. Well, why not?
I wanted to have it cut on Monday but Ulupono isn't open that day. I went on Tuesday.
Jessica cut my hair. She took off 12 inches! I was surprised I still had length left. I thought it was gonna be super short again. She did a good job. She said that I did good ‘cuz sometimes people say they wanna go short and then back out or cry or something.
Overall, a good experience. Now for Phase II….
Mahalo for reading!
For more info, go to: Ulupono Academy
[and services are discounted since it’s being done by students= bargain]
Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair!
Shoulder length, longer
Here baby, there mama, Everywhere daddy daddy
Hair!
Flow it, Show it;
Long as God can grow it, My Hair!
They'll be ga-ga at the go-go
when they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond, brilliantined, Biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
That’s some of the lyrics to “Hair,” a musical about the 60s.
Anyways, my hair has been the longest it has ever been in my life! The length was at least to the middle of my back. It took about a year, with a few trims in between, to grow that long. I hope I did an okay job taking care of it. I was starting to feel like I could start doing that toga line from the song soon!
And now it’s gone.
Sort of. I was growing it out for a purpose and now Phase I of my little project has been completed!
___________________________
[I've used this pic before but you can kinda see how long my hair was getting. I know, I shoulda gotten a pic from the back.]The long hair was getting ridiculous! I generally keep my hair about shoulder length. When I worked at F21, I cut my hair short and my co-workers remarked at how brave I was. Another time, Apple and I were sitting at the mall when a lady came up to us and offered us free haircuts. That was cool; she was a student but with prior experience at the salon down the hallway. She needed to practice those really short short cuts, so I went short short. It felt strange at first, but it looked good!
And I’ve watched a few makeover shows where they want the lady to cut her hair and the lady goes into fits and crying ‘cuz she doesn’t want it cut! Ridiculous, hair grows back.
This past season of LONG hair started to annoy me. The hair was getting stuck under the straps when I carried a shoulder bag; I wasn’t comfortable lying down on the pillow and when I would try to rollover, I couldn’t ‘cuz I was on my hair; I’ve never used so much shampoo, conditioner, styling products [what are those?]! I liked HAVING the long hair, but not really having to spend so much time on it!
I was gonna go to a professional salon to do this recent cutting. I figured I would treat myself a little for having taken care of the hair and not having had a good haircut in awhile. Apple had tried this salon place and was very happy with the experience. It’s a partner school where a student cuts the hair under the supervision of an instructor. Well, why not?I wanted to have it cut on Monday but Ulupono isn't open that day. I went on Tuesday.
Jessica cut my hair. She took off 12 inches! I was surprised I still had length left. I thought it was gonna be super short again. She did a good job. She said that I did good ‘cuz sometimes people say they wanna go short and then back out or cry or something.
Overall, a good experience. Now for Phase II….
Mahalo for reading!
For more info, go to: Ulupono Academy
[and services are discounted since it’s being done by students= bargain]
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Do More [2]
Last Saturday, the KUC YD had its first of hopefully many L.E.D. [Live Express Desire] Worship Nights. A couple of the girls that I haven’t had time to spend with in quite awhile came, Anna, her sister Gerriann, and Ata.
I saw Anna at church the next day. She came right up to me, gave me a hug and a cookie! :D
___________________________
So getting back to loving people better.
Man, it’s difficult coming up with an alias for someone I don’t know well!
So there’s this sweet guy at church, Pause. He’s more socially awkward than I am, somehow I blend in more. When we were in…hs maybe, I would purposely avoid Pause. I have a difficult time talking to people and so it can be like torture for me to try to talk to someone who has a tougher time than me.
Now that I am definitely older but arguably wiser, and after years of prayer, I find myself having an easier time with Pause, and unconsciously even. It got a little hairy when Pause asked me to a company party earlier this year, but I’m handling those kinds of situations better these days.
___________________________
Then God ups the ante. With Pal.
Earlier this year in service, I look over and see this older guy looking at me. I give an acknowledging little smile as I do to people. After the service, I got trapped by congregating people, the pew and Pal. Another socially awkward person, this time much older, leaning towards me so that it feels like he’s looking…below my neck, inches from my face, with a breath that makes me more conscious of my own when I’m talking to other people.
Pal asked if he knew me. I have no recollection of Pal before that night at all. He says I must’ve been like a teenager or something. I am easily uncomfortable if someone’s watching me, more so if someone’s been watching me way before I knew it. Creepy when it’s someone who’s got to be more than a decade older than me.
Is it ever polite to walk away from a conversation? Several times I thought Pal was finished talking, but then he’d continue and I was still pinned in at the pew.
Then came communion Sunday. I see Pal looking like he was purposely finding a seat across the aisle from us. Going up to the table in two lines, Pal reaches the table with Alchemist. Either by nature or scheming, Pal takes a rather long time so that I end up at the table with him and we leave the table at the same time. Another time Pal gives me an odd look as he finds his seat; I dunno if that was ‘cuz I had Kaya with me or not.
At a church event, I was in my white dress for choir who was last. I was up late the night before so I hadn’t bothered with my hair. I’m scurrying around, barefoot, kneeling on the ground to take pics for the event. Pal stops me to say that I looked “elegant in [my] white gown.”
Uncomfortable.
I really hafta stop noticing these things.
___________________________
And I sense God saying, “Love my people.
You know what it is like to be the outsider. You understand the difficulties some have in making friends. I sent others to show you patience and kindness. Now I am sending you.
You love my people.”
I don’t know yet what I shall do about Pal. Sometimes I think, I’m a young woman, this should be the responsibility of a man. But that doesn’t excuse the absence of a kind word, dismissing with the “how was your week?” and caring about listening to the answer.
No matter how close someone stands to me.
God is still working on me, still teaching me lessons, still challenging me.
___________________________
Oh, and I started this entry with Anna because I am so blessed to be able to spend time with the KUC kids. I dunno the last time I was hugged so much! Sometimes I just wanna hug someone.
And I got a cookie too! Score!
Who are the Pals in your life?
Mahalo for reading!
*By God’s people, I mean ALL people, not just Christians. Every single person is someone whom God loves.
I saw Anna at church the next day. She came right up to me, gave me a hug and a cookie! :D
___________________________
So getting back to loving people better.
Man, it’s difficult coming up with an alias for someone I don’t know well!
So there’s this sweet guy at church, Pause. He’s more socially awkward than I am, somehow I blend in more. When we were in…hs maybe, I would purposely avoid Pause. I have a difficult time talking to people and so it can be like torture for me to try to talk to someone who has a tougher time than me.
Now that I am definitely older but arguably wiser, and after years of prayer, I find myself having an easier time with Pause, and unconsciously even. It got a little hairy when Pause asked me to a company party earlier this year, but I’m handling those kinds of situations better these days.
___________________________
Then God ups the ante. With Pal.
Earlier this year in service, I look over and see this older guy looking at me. I give an acknowledging little smile as I do to people. After the service, I got trapped by congregating people, the pew and Pal. Another socially awkward person, this time much older, leaning towards me so that it feels like he’s looking…below my neck, inches from my face, with a breath that makes me more conscious of my own when I’m talking to other people.
Pal asked if he knew me. I have no recollection of Pal before that night at all. He says I must’ve been like a teenager or something. I am easily uncomfortable if someone’s watching me, more so if someone’s been watching me way before I knew it. Creepy when it’s someone who’s got to be more than a decade older than me.
Is it ever polite to walk away from a conversation? Several times I thought Pal was finished talking, but then he’d continue and I was still pinned in at the pew.
Then came communion Sunday. I see Pal looking like he was purposely finding a seat across the aisle from us. Going up to the table in two lines, Pal reaches the table with Alchemist. Either by nature or scheming, Pal takes a rather long time so that I end up at the table with him and we leave the table at the same time. Another time Pal gives me an odd look as he finds his seat; I dunno if that was ‘cuz I had Kaya with me or not.
At a church event, I was in my white dress for choir who was last. I was up late the night before so I hadn’t bothered with my hair. I’m scurrying around, barefoot, kneeling on the ground to take pics for the event. Pal stops me to say that I looked “elegant in [my] white gown.”
Uncomfortable.
I really hafta stop noticing these things.
___________________________
And I sense God saying, “Love my people.
You know what it is like to be the outsider. You understand the difficulties some have in making friends. I sent others to show you patience and kindness. Now I am sending you.
You love my people.”
I don’t know yet what I shall do about Pal. Sometimes I think, I’m a young woman, this should be the responsibility of a man. But that doesn’t excuse the absence of a kind word, dismissing with the “how was your week?” and caring about listening to the answer.
No matter how close someone stands to me.
God is still working on me, still teaching me lessons, still challenging me.
___________________________
Oh, and I started this entry with Anna because I am so blessed to be able to spend time with the KUC kids. I dunno the last time I was hugged so much! Sometimes I just wanna hug someone.
And I got a cookie too! Score!
Who are the Pals in your life?
Mahalo for reading!
*By God’s people, I mean ALL people, not just Christians. Every single person is someone whom God loves.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Do More
Seriously could not think of a title for this. And I’m not gonna bother much with writing this well.
So…I was thinking about how God commands Christians in the Bible to love people as He loves us.
This entire year for me has been about drawing closer to God, hopefully becoming more Christ-like and reaching a place where it’s easier to hear God’s voice. Well, not just for this year but setting up a new pattern to build upon for the rest of my life. Not that I wasn’t doing that before but this year, with all its highs and lows, has been at least spiritually building.
I’m trying to work out how to love people better.
___________________________
Some people are easy to love. It is so EASY for me to love Apple. Friends for at least a decade, really close friends the last few years; good times, bad times, and just times; birthday presents and non-occasion gifts. And she’s such a people-person which means that I don’t have to be one!
It gets a little tougher when it’s someone who’s hurt me in the past and yet I don’t cut ties as easily as some believe I do. I mentioned a former friend Hatchet for whom I would still care if H would let me. It would be like riding a bike for me to love H.
Tougher still: during my CA-practicum, there was this co-worker who would just…jar me. I mean, a nice guy but Smally [nn] would say some pretty insensitive things. I rode a bike then; Smally insisted on giving me a ride after work. That night I learned what it was like to fear for my life. Seriously the scariest driver I have ever been in the car with and that is saying a lot! He then kidnapped me to dinner during which I bit my tongue more than ate because the insensitive conversation began and I was thinking I wanted to get home as soon as possible. After that night it was sort of…I could work with Smally, but need to block out 75% of what comes out of his mouth.
And I think now, was that enough to love him as Jesus?
___________________________
Then God calls me to love my enemies. Web [nn] whom I caught using a stick to play with the back hem of my friend’s skirt. Plastic [nn] who would be a fake nice with a nasty undertone to me in public but would use a lot of swear words about me behind my back and try to convince my friends I was sleeping around.
Brick with whom I had a studio project: I handled all the structural since I was the only one in the group who had taken structures. When the prof. would critique the structure, Brick was quick to put all the responsibility on me when he didn’t care to learn anything about structure. Brick spent a lot of time on the phone with his gf or on his comp playing games, then tell people I wasn’t doing any work when he knew I worked at home. Why bother coming in to studio if Brick literally refused to work with me?
Really, God? I was supposed to LOVE those people? What was I supposed to do that I didn’t?
And I hear God saying, “More. You do more.”
___________________________
I thank God that I do not have a heavily vengeful spirit. Other than putting Web in his place for the skirt thing, I remained polite and didn’t answer back to false accusations. Especially in the case of Plastic, friends urged me to do something about it. They couldn’t understand how I could ignore the things Plastic did and still be nice to Plastic.
And sometimes, I couldn’t understand it either. There have been times when I’ve wanted to fire back at opponents, and a few times when I did, but mostly I have not because God has held me. He wants me to not return hate. He wants me to love.
It doesn’t end in the past, in thinking over moments when I could’ve done more or better in showing others God’s love. I’ll move into a current situation in another entry.
Mahalo for reading!
So…I was thinking about how God commands Christians in the Bible to love people as He loves us.
This entire year for me has been about drawing closer to God, hopefully becoming more Christ-like and reaching a place where it’s easier to hear God’s voice. Well, not just for this year but setting up a new pattern to build upon for the rest of my life. Not that I wasn’t doing that before but this year, with all its highs and lows, has been at least spiritually building.
I’m trying to work out how to love people better.
___________________________
Some people are easy to love. It is so EASY for me to love Apple. Friends for at least a decade, really close friends the last few years; good times, bad times, and just times; birthday presents and non-occasion gifts. And she’s such a people-person which means that I don’t have to be one!
It gets a little tougher when it’s someone who’s hurt me in the past and yet I don’t cut ties as easily as some believe I do. I mentioned a former friend Hatchet for whom I would still care if H would let me. It would be like riding a bike for me to love H.
Tougher still: during my CA-practicum, there was this co-worker who would just…jar me. I mean, a nice guy but Smally [nn] would say some pretty insensitive things. I rode a bike then; Smally insisted on giving me a ride after work. That night I learned what it was like to fear for my life. Seriously the scariest driver I have ever been in the car with and that is saying a lot! He then kidnapped me to dinner during which I bit my tongue more than ate because the insensitive conversation began and I was thinking I wanted to get home as soon as possible. After that night it was sort of…I could work with Smally, but need to block out 75% of what comes out of his mouth.
And I think now, was that enough to love him as Jesus?
___________________________
Then God calls me to love my enemies. Web [nn] whom I caught using a stick to play with the back hem of my friend’s skirt. Plastic [nn] who would be a fake nice with a nasty undertone to me in public but would use a lot of swear words about me behind my back and try to convince my friends I was sleeping around.
Brick with whom I had a studio project: I handled all the structural since I was the only one in the group who had taken structures. When the prof. would critique the structure, Brick was quick to put all the responsibility on me when he didn’t care to learn anything about structure. Brick spent a lot of time on the phone with his gf or on his comp playing games, then tell people I wasn’t doing any work when he knew I worked at home. Why bother coming in to studio if Brick literally refused to work with me?
Really, God? I was supposed to LOVE those people? What was I supposed to do that I didn’t?
And I hear God saying, “More. You do more.”
___________________________
I thank God that I do not have a heavily vengeful spirit. Other than putting Web in his place for the skirt thing, I remained polite and didn’t answer back to false accusations. Especially in the case of Plastic, friends urged me to do something about it. They couldn’t understand how I could ignore the things Plastic did and still be nice to Plastic.
And sometimes, I couldn’t understand it either. There have been times when I’ve wanted to fire back at opponents, and a few times when I did, but mostly I have not because God has held me. He wants me to not return hate. He wants me to love.
It doesn’t end in the past, in thinking over moments when I could’ve done more or better in showing others God’s love. I’ll move into a current situation in another entry.
Mahalo for reading!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Kids Say…What?
On my way to service on Sunday I ran into Aunty Pat. The first thing she said was, “See that girl in the pink dress? She’s your charge now.” And Aunty Pat went to the restroom, leaving me with a pouty Kaya.Kaya said no one wanted to play with her, even though her friend Shae was right next to her. Kaya’s mood changed when she saw that my sweater wasn’t buttoned all the way. she got busy finishing the job. Then Shae said I didn’t need a sweater when it’s warm, so Kaya unbuttoned my sweater and tried to pull it off.
On the way inside Aunty Pat told me that Kaya said she didn’t wanna go in to service because she wasn’t gonna behave. How’s that for self-awareness? And she’s only 3!
I sat with them inside [Aunty Pat, Kaya, Shae, Race, and Shae’s parents].
KUC’s brought back Childrens’ Corner to service. Kaya likes to sit on the stage steps, or I should say, likes to travel along the steps. She started off from behind the pastor. As the pastor stretched out his arms to illustrate the enemy fleeing the God-backed Christian, Kaya fled [crawled] away from the group. Then she came back.
___________________________
Back in September, on a previous Kaya Sunday, I let Kaya have another go at photography. She took some pretty good shots.
Also on Sunday, Kendal was having technical difficulties with his camara. Joel said Kendal needed lessons on how to take care of it. I shrugged and said that I give mine to a 3yr old.
Btw, I still don’t tell my mom when I’m gonna misbehave.
Mahalo for reading and enjoy the photos!
Photography by Kaya
This one's by me. Kaya's drawing the world.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
He Woke Me Up This Morning
A few weeks ago, in the early stages of this DBHM, I was walking through the KawaiaHa‘o Church grounds. An older man was passing in the other direction. He had already passed me when he turned around and called out, “Are you a Christian?”
“Yes.”
He came back towards me, asking if that was my church [it isn’t]. He asked if I would pray for him right there. I accepted his hand, we bowed our heads and I prayed for him.
Then began a long mostly one-sided conversation.
He said to call him “Brother George” though I think what I heard was that his full name is Troy George. I didn’t say much, not that I had much chance to say anything, because I was concentrating on understanding what he was saying. Brother George’s speech was a little slurred though I don’t think he was drunk. It was more like he had a swollen tongue or something.
Brother George is homeless though he’s hoping to be in a place by November or December. He’s been on and off the street a few times. Used to be in drugs and drinking, even gotten beat up badly by a dealer’s thugs.
And then he became a Christian. Brother George got the message from God to get right and stop the foolishness. That was two years ago, though Brother George doesn’t know what the exact date was or what today is, but in October. He now attends Pacific Revival Church on Dillingham. He says he cries like a baby every week there because of what God is doing for him. KawaiaHa‘o Church lets people store things there for a very low price, that’s why Brother George was over there.
___________________________
Somewhere in the middle of all that, Brother George asked for testimony about what God has done for me. I wasn’t quick to answer so Brother George helped me out a little. “You woke up this morning. God feed you, God clothe you….”
Yes Brother George, God sure did!
We were there for maybe about 15-20 minutes until he finally moved on. Even if I had been on my way to a scheduled meeting or something, I believe I would have stayed to listen to Brother George anyway. I did say a quick prayer for God’s protection because I’m nervous about talking to strangers when I am on my own, but I think God was saying something through Brother George.
Maybe I’m still digesting and having it sink in.
Anyways, I don’t want Brother George to be someone that I forget, someone who just stopped me on the street and then I went on with my life. I want to remember what he told me.
I would like to do something for Brother George but am not sure what to do. If anyone has any suggestions or would like to help me bless Brother George, PLEASE! Let me know. I do have a phone number for him. A friend did advise having someone from church invite Brother George to Joy Fellowship; I haven’t passed on the information yet because I haven’t been by my regular church much lately.
___________________________
What has God done for me today: He’s woken me up from sleep. He’s given me another day. He’s given me good family and friends. When life seems unbearable, when my heart feels like it’s literally breaking, when I need help seeing past my hurts, I want to remember that I am ALIVE. God is GOOD.
God used a homeless man to minister to me, one who has more than enough.
What am I doing for God? Work in progress…
Mahalo for reading and let's all remind each other of what God is doing for us.
“Yes.”
He came back towards me, asking if that was my church [it isn’t]. He asked if I would pray for him right there. I accepted his hand, we bowed our heads and I prayed for him.
Then began a long mostly one-sided conversation.
He said to call him “Brother George” though I think what I heard was that his full name is Troy George. I didn’t say much, not that I had much chance to say anything, because I was concentrating on understanding what he was saying. Brother George’s speech was a little slurred though I don’t think he was drunk. It was more like he had a swollen tongue or something.
Brother George is homeless though he’s hoping to be in a place by November or December. He’s been on and off the street a few times. Used to be in drugs and drinking, even gotten beat up badly by a dealer’s thugs.
And then he became a Christian. Brother George got the message from God to get right and stop the foolishness. That was two years ago, though Brother George doesn’t know what the exact date was or what today is, but in October. He now attends Pacific Revival Church on Dillingham. He says he cries like a baby every week there because of what God is doing for him. KawaiaHa‘o Church lets people store things there for a very low price, that’s why Brother George was over there.
___________________________
Somewhere in the middle of all that, Brother George asked for testimony about what God has done for me. I wasn’t quick to answer so Brother George helped me out a little. “You woke up this morning. God feed you, God clothe you….”
Yes Brother George, God sure did!
We were there for maybe about 15-20 minutes until he finally moved on. Even if I had been on my way to a scheduled meeting or something, I believe I would have stayed to listen to Brother George anyway. I did say a quick prayer for God’s protection because I’m nervous about talking to strangers when I am on my own, but I think God was saying something through Brother George.
Maybe I’m still digesting and having it sink in.
Anyways, I don’t want Brother George to be someone that I forget, someone who just stopped me on the street and then I went on with my life. I want to remember what he told me.
I would like to do something for Brother George but am not sure what to do. If anyone has any suggestions or would like to help me bless Brother George, PLEASE! Let me know. I do have a phone number for him. A friend did advise having someone from church invite Brother George to Joy Fellowship; I haven’t passed on the information yet because I haven’t been by my regular church much lately.
___________________________
What has God done for me today: He’s woken me up from sleep. He’s given me another day. He’s given me good family and friends. When life seems unbearable, when my heart feels like it’s literally breaking, when I need help seeing past my hurts, I want to remember that I am ALIVE. God is GOOD.
God used a homeless man to minister to me, one who has more than enough.
What am I doing for God? Work in progress…
Mahalo for reading and let's all remind each other of what God is doing for us.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
A Small Taste of the Other Side
So…it’s been a weird time for me. Lots of things going on in my inner life I suppose. I’m not even sure how to write this particular entry so please bear with me.One thing that has been going on is the sudden absence of a new friend. I’m not sure how to process the situation for several reasons but I will share as much as I am able to here, or try to in the least. It’s hit me partly because it comes when I need time to myself as well and so he is on my mind. For different reasons, for different purposes I am taking a break, because obviously we are two different people.
Or I should start by sort of identifying this friend?
I mentioned previously about being in a period of making new friends. One group in particular seems to have taken me in. I would say perhaps their main or most constant vehicle of bonding is a weekly bible study. I have joined them only a few times so far.
The one missing I shall refer to as Pirate. Anyone in the group whom might read this is gonna know who I’m talking about anyway and no, he’s not a real pirate. As far as I know.
___________________________
So, Pirate has missed the last two BS meetings. The first one, I suppose wasn’t too much of an alarm to the group though Pirate rarely misses one I gather.
I cannot speak for Pirate on why he is absent.
And Pirate did notify the group that he was taking a [temporary] leave of absence. The notice came some time between the first and second missed meetings. Last week, the second missed meeting but the first after the notice, the expressions of missing Pirate were more serious. One member’s prayer request was a solemn request that Pirate answer his phone.
___________________________
Here’s where it gets more personal.
I have been known to go on a “retreat” from time to time, as Pirate seems to be doing now. Different reasons, different purposes. Most people don’t realize I’ve retreated because…for whatever reason. They just know that they haven’t seen me for some time and then I reappear. My retreats have been of varying degrees and lengths.
For one time in particular, something suddenly triggered a serious retreat and I started for home. I realized I was supposed to meet Apple that day so I called her to say I wasn’t going to be there. She picked up the unwell tone in my voice, but I couldn’t tell her what was going on and just hung up.
I knew she would worry. I knew she loved me. I was unable to reach out. Not for months.
When I came back, Apple was angry. Justifiably so.
But Apple has been blessed with the gift of patience, forgiveness, with a great compassion that I admire. With time and a lot of work, we came together again. We are very close friends today. I am blessed with her friendship.
___________________________
To pick up the concern on the faces of this group, to hear how they miss Pirate so, I feel it deeply. I am perhaps getting a glimpse of what Apple went through when I went missing.
What I’m saying to Apple is I am sorry. It is never my intent to hurt you though I know I have at times. I appreciate you and I love you.
___________________________
What I would say to Pirate is that I think I can understand, to some extent. I hope you will find your way back soon. Your friends miss you greatly.
And I miss you.
Mahalo for reading.
[I wrote this on the 13th, last Monday, so some things might have happened since but I thought I’d post it anyway.]
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Spending Splurge Sunday
I am not much of a shopper at all. I do not frequent malls nor do I enjoy crowds, long lines, etc. On top of that, I am more of a saver than a spender, but every so often, I am just in the mood.
This past Sunday, I gradually got in the mood. It started by purchasing a necklace from a lady at church whom had just returned from a mission in Africa. It is an amber cross necklace made by women working to rise above poverty. Amber was used to purchase slaves so as Janet explained, it is a kind of redemption that the women are now using the amber to help themselves break that system, to purchase their freedom. Janet says that the crosses are Ethiopian Coptic crosses. PLEASE read the messages in the following photos for more information.
___________________________
After church, I caught whatever bus came next which happened to be going to Pearlridge. I strolled through the mall, waiting for Mom to pick me up after lunch. I was looking for something but didn’t find it in the store I thought would have it. I went to Hot Topic; I hadn’t been inside the store in years maybe. One of their shirts stood out to me. It read: TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS. Again, read the message in the photo for more info, at least check it out. [I would also say to look on the inside]. HT has the shirt in white, pink, black and green. I picked up a pink one. I like the concept. I like the cause.
Another nice purchase that day was a $7.50 pair of sunglasses for $3. And…they look good on me. I think. They are red.
So I have this weird thing that I apparently like buying sunglasses but tend to forget to wear them. I control the situation at the moment by buying cheap pairs. Okay, that’s also because I believe I have a tendency to break things. I had about 10 pairs at one time but seeing as how I hadn’t worn any in…years, I donated most of them to somewhere. Sad, I know.
___________________________
So it was a “splurge” in the definition filter lens of Jennifer. The total [including lunch] was under $75. The most expensive item: the amber necklace.
Somehow, shopping actually made me feel better that day. That almost never happens to me.
Mahalo for reading!
This past Sunday, I gradually got in the mood. It started by purchasing a necklace from a lady at church whom had just returned from a mission in Africa. It is an amber cross necklace made by women working to rise above poverty. Amber was used to purchase slaves so as Janet explained, it is a kind of redemption that the women are now using the amber to help themselves break that system, to purchase their freedom. Janet says that the crosses are Ethiopian Coptic crosses. PLEASE read the messages in the following photos for more information.
___________________________
After church, I caught whatever bus came next which happened to be going to Pearlridge. I strolled through the mall, waiting for Mom to pick me up after lunch. I was looking for something but didn’t find it in the store I thought would have it. I went to Hot Topic; I hadn’t been inside the store in years maybe. One of their shirts stood out to me. It read: TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS. Again, read the message in the photo for more info, at least check it out. [I would also say to look on the inside]. HT has the shirt in white, pink, black and green. I picked up a pink one. I like the concept. I like the cause.
Another nice purchase that day was a $7.50 pair of sunglasses for $3. And…they look good on me. I think. They are red.
So I have this weird thing that I apparently like buying sunglasses but tend to forget to wear them. I control the situation at the moment by buying cheap pairs. Okay, that’s also because I believe I have a tendency to break things. I had about 10 pairs at one time but seeing as how I hadn’t worn any in…years, I donated most of them to somewhere. Sad, I know.
___________________________
So it was a “splurge” in the definition filter lens of Jennifer. The total [including lunch] was under $75. The most expensive item: the amber necklace.
Somehow, shopping actually made me feel better that day. That almost never happens to me.
Mahalo for reading!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
And The Fantasy Continues
Facebook Football, that is.Week 1: win 87-84
Week 2: loss 95-122
Week 3: loss 89-93
Week 4: win 117-116
Week 5: win 108-57
Week 6: win 95-77
The teams: HHR [me], HOT [James], FG [Clay], OT, JJC, KCR
I already talked about week 1 in a previous entry. That was against James and I was on top of the league. Week 3 sucked; I lost to a girl in the Philippines who doesn’t follow football and had no starting QB in her line up. Week 4 was against Clay, squeaked by. Week 5 doesn’t count ‘cuz it’s another person not paying attention at all to the league. I’m 3rd in the league by now in terms of W-L, but overall point-wise, I’ve got about a 2o point lead over the next person, Clay.
Week 6. It’s a weird thing to have only 6 teams in a league, but thank you to Clay for putting it together. I was up against James again. This always makes me nervous ‘cuz James has a talent for being good at anything he does and he’s a huge numbers guy [ i.e. can understand/remember stats and percentages better and faster than I can]. All his guys played on Sunday; I’m leading by 12. I’ve got Eli Manning playing on Monday= bonus points.
I have the option of playing either Manning brother. Eli vs. the Browns Defense was supposed to be the easier match up than Colts Offense vs. Ravens Defense. I played Eli obviously. Peyton made 22 fantasy points.
I watched the Giants game from the 2nd quarter, when Eli didn’t make any points until just before the half I think. One passing TD, THREE interceptions and stuff later, the game is over. Eli= SIX points. I was actually concerned that Eli would get in the negative and cost me the match up.
___________________________So currently I am 2nd overall in the league but I can feel the pressure. OT is on top because he’s got one more win than me. With the 121 points he made in week 6, OT is a mere 3 points behind me. I am up against him this week. I need to win this game and make more points than him in order to be on top.
If I should lose, the next closest competitor is…James. And he is not very far behind.
___________________________
Still, I am not doing too bad on the Fantasy FB front. I've pretty much played the right line ups. It has been a small but good distraction from the things of life, especially at this time. I remain in double BHM at the moment but hope to be in single BHM soon.
Mahalo for reading!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
10 Days Later…
…and I am still in Bittersweet Heartbreak Mode.
Two Thursdays ago, my greatest friend moved away.
This is a good time and a good opportunity for her. I encourage everyone to try living on their own for a time. I am so VERY Proud of my sister. This is the “Sweet” part.
The “Bitter” part is that I am here. I am more of a one-on-one face time relational person. It is going to be very tough to not be able to call Sister up and drive over when I need a release. We have FB and AIM and e-mail and post mail, but those things can never make up for distance for me. Most of the friends that I would hang out with are away, but having Sister away is by far the toughest to deal with.
I knew Sister would be leaving and I tried to prepare myself for the move. I consider myself to be a rather independent person, but everyone’s gotta have their partner.
And I am waiting for my other closest friend to return from a missions trip. Until then, I am practically unsupervised.
So much is going on that I have a processing backlog.
___________________________
Starting Over
I am/have been in the process of building new friendships. My main opportunity for doing so right now is through church. Most of the people from my age group have left the church for various reasons, so the next age group that I can relate to most is made up of mostly guys. Fine by me ‘cuz generally I’m more comfortable with guys but it does have the potential of becoming complicated.
It’s been good. I’ve made one new friend with whom I’m comfortable talking, and as talking is not an easy thing for me, I tend to latch on to people I’m comfortable with. He cares about people and has made time for me. I very much appreciate all he has done/is doing for me. At the same time, I don’t want to be taking up too much of his time. And some of the things I’m dealing with are “Girl talk” topics, and I AM NOT going to turn him into a “girlfriend.” I like guys being guys.
I am getting reacquainted with another friend I’ll call “Big Heart” whom also cares a lot for people and is just too funny for explanation. Then there’s the Alchemist whom is a cool female; I think we’ll get along well. I’m still easing into getting to know the rest of the group.
___________________________
To Be [Single] or Not To Be
That is the question. Obviously it is not a question I can answer by myself.
This is one of the subjects that I would like to talk out with Sister. She’s been trying to help me with it from across the pond, but it’s been a rather day-to-day situation that is frustrating me. The deal is that on the side of everything that’s been happening, someone’s caught my attention. I shall refer to him as “Reid.”
I think of myself as a serial soloist, meaning that I’ve been mostly single and generally prefer to be so. All totaled, I’ve been unsingle for about 4 or 5 months, depending on who’s asked and when that person started the clock. For instance, I’d say 4 but Former would probably say 5 because unlike the stereotype, I have no idea what day we started being unsingle together and he does. That might have to do with why we are no longer unsingle together.
Anyways, the point is that it’s not easy to catch my attention and then to keep it. Reid has done so and I thought I had his attention. I’m not so sure I have it anymore. I know I shall be okay with singleness but this saddens me some. Perhaps I am in double BHM.
I know I can seem very detached and cool with people, but once I care about someone I am fully committed to caring. Even in the previously written about situation with Hatchet, I still love Hatchet deep down. If Hatchet ever calls me for something, I cannot not answer the call.
All of that to say that I am still...I'm stubborn enough to want to try with Reid because I care that much, but I don't know where I stand with him.
So…I am single TODAY.
___________________________
Sister, I miss you but understand why you left. I will try to be more courageous. To my new friends and reacquainting friends, mahalo for all the time you’ve spent on me and for all the prayers.
Mahalo for reading.
“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens. Selah.”
_Psalm 68:19
“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”
_Philippians 1:3
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